*Name and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the client’s privacy
When my supervisor asked me if I would be interested in working with Jordan,* I was hesitant. I was not familiar with trans issues and had limited experience working with the LGBTQ+ community. I questioned how fair it was to subject Jordan to therapy with a graduate student who was completely out of her element.
“Jordan needs to be transferred to a new clinician,” my supervisor explained. “Besides, with your interest in relational trauma, I think you would be a great fit for this case!”
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Jordan was a 34-year-old, Black, male-to-female transgender woman. She had a long history of emotional neglect and abuse and currently worked in retail. This is all I could glean from Jordan’s file the day I agreed to take on her case. That night, I frantically dove into webinars, continuing education offerings, and any research that might pertain to working with Jordan. I was nervous, my inexperience at the forefront of my mind. Little did I know how incredibly significant this therapeutic relationship would prove itself to be.
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Over the course of my time with Jordan, we worked on understanding and identifying her emotions, values, and identity. We read about complex trauma and dissociative episodes. We unpacked painful memories and examined interpersonal patterns.
But, most importantly, we learned how to relate to one another as two very different human beings engaged in a relationship. We learned to care deeply about each other.
We asked questions when we were unsure, if somewhat awkwardly. We spent a good part of each session stumbling over our words. We often returned to misunderstandings and lingering inclarities. Once, when I pushed a little too hard, Jordan avoided me for a few weeks before returning to therapy and admitting that she had been upset by my insistence on sitting with painful emotions.
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When George Floyd was murdered in May 2020, it was Jordan with whom I first discussed racism, White privilege, White guilt, and racial identities. Jordan’s newfound passion for social justice and recent involvement in anti-racism protests gave her the confidence and the tools to speak readily and candidly about topics she might have previously avoided. It was my discussions with Jordan which gave me the courage to address race in other sessions, with other clients. It was my work with Jordan which encouraged me to truly examine my Whiteness in an honest and meaningful manner.
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Needless to say, Jordan provided me with a corrective emotional experience so invaluable, it far exceeds what I can even hope to provide my clients on my best days. As uncomfortable and awkward as my sessions with Jordan could be, I am so grateful and humbled to have had the opportunity to stumble through those sessions. Working with Jordan not only made me a better clinician, but a better human being as well.
-Laura